The War on Culture

Earlier in the week, the Idaho Statesman published transcripts of interviews with four more men who claim they either had sex with conservative Republican Senator Larry Craig, or were approached by him in a sexually suggestive manner. One of the men was at one time the plaything of evangelical minister Ted Haggard, but perhaps the only connection between the two is that they read the ads in the same magazines. Despite this third major exposé by the Boise paper, Craig maintains an insistence that he isn't gay. "You can check my apartment," he told reporters at his daily denial, "I guarantee you won't find a single Johnny, Judy or Barbra CD in my entire collection." At one point in the interview, Craig pointed to his right ear lobe and said, "Look... no pierced ears. Everyone knows gays have pierced ears."

Boise State football fans who claim to have had sex with Larry Craig in a Bronco Stadium men's room during halftime of the Fresno State game identify themselves to reporters by raising their hands.

The embattled lawmaker has promised to carry on the legal battle to clear his name and overturn his solicitation conviction. "I may have done a few things that look funny," he said, responding to a reporter's question, "But I was only trying to find out who was gay and who wasn't, so I would know who I could trust if I needed someone to watch my luggage or check how I wiped."

It's sad, really... at this point, the only one who seems to care if Larry Craig is gay is Larry Craig.

These days ya gotta love life in America. I read a news item this morning on the CNN website, but now I can't find it. From the CNN story, it's not only TARGET that's the target, but a number of other businesses that the Christian hardcore deem 'anti-Christian'. Here's the scoop from the source, The American Family Association website: PRESS RELEASE: On Friday (Nov. 18) the American Family Association (AFA) launched on online boycott campaign against Target, citing the retailer's decision to ban Salvation Army kettles from their store entrances as well as the use of "Merry Christmas" in their in-store promotions and retail advertising. By the following Monday, almost 300,000 individuals had "signed" an online petition indicating they planned to express their disapproval of that decision by avoiding Target Stores during the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend. At press time, that number had jumped to more than 340,000.

Target's anti-Christian slant includes heavy use of the color red -- a widely recognized indicator of direct ties to Satan. A number of actors and models in Target advertising have been identified as card-carrying gay Wiccan pro-abortionists.

Personally, I think people should call Christmas Trees Christmas trees, wear whatever headgear they wish in public and pray for rain in the middle of the mall, if they choose. But this trend, if it continues could, in effect, create "Born-Again Christian Free Zones".

I have to admit... there's something appealing about that.

A brief, though uplifting news item from Reuters International. Pope says unbridled capitalism harmful ROME - Pope Benedict yesterday warned that unbridled capitalism is widening the gap between the world's rich and poor and threatening the future of the planet. Addressing the faithful at his weekly Angelus blessing at his summer residence outside Rome, Benedict said capitalism and a fair distribution of wealth were not contradictory, but the search for profit must not be allowed to go unchecked. (Reuters) During public appearances, often for political reasons, World leaders rarely say much that means anything (when in doubt, bless the crowd). But recently you have to admire His Holiness not only for talking the talk, but also how well he has taken to waddling the walk. The Roman Catholic Church has graciously injected over $1 Billion back into the economy with just seven of the early settlement payouts to US abuse victims. There's a lot more to come, worldwide, and there's a lot of places like Thailand that haven't even checked in yet. Now, that's putting your moola where your feet normally hang out.

Pope Benedict VI, shown here sharing a joke with reporters after a private audience with lanky supermodel Heidi Klum. The Holy Father is affectionately called 'Eggs' by the Vatican household staff due to an enormous set of balls and a well-deserved reputation as a sick sort of practical joker.

It was a tremendous gesture by the Church and I hate to look a gift pontiff in the mouth. His Holiness is a man of immense genius, like up there with John Lennon and Hunter Thomson, but understandably naive afte 80-odd years of Rosaries in Latin. Unworldy to an infallible fault, he probably never realized that this particular method of wealth redistribution tends to concentrate monetary assets into relatively few mitts... most of them attached to lawyers, therapists and heroin dealers.

Thank goodness the Church's wealth is estimated somewhere north of $150 Billion and His Holiness has so much more he can work with. If he can sell off little jewelry or a few parcels of land in France or other places where Catholicism is in rapid decline--say a neat 10% liquidation sale--they can set up a food stamp program for ~150,000,000 of the world's poorest families with a $1,000 initial credit each.

I'll establish and run the Boston program for them, if they want me too (Our Motto: 'Nobody cheats; everybody eats'). The Boston Archdiocese is still worth upwards of $550 million, even after paying out more than $100 million to victims of abuse. If they'd start us off with, say, a cool $50 million seed money, we can feed and educate 100,000 of Boston poorest for well past 10 years on the principle alone.

Think it over, Holy Father... big guy. A painting or two, a handful of jeweled tiaras or a couple of overgrown, abandoned monastaries... maybe it's time to cash in a few chips, tip the dealer and move on to another table.

Senator Larry Craig claims that following a complex signaling protocol customarily used by men seeking gay sex partners at a Minneapolis Airport restroom was, "a bizarre accident or coincidence", and his actions were totally misconstrued by an arresting undercover officer. "I was tapping out a Christian anti-gay message in Morse code with my foot," Craig stated, during the 6th press conference since news of his arrest and subsequent guilty plea came to public light last week. Allred Floria, the senator's attorney, later hinted at the defense strategy, "We've petitioned to supoena the personnel records of the arresting officer, to prove he's never been trained in Morse Code."

Conservative GOP Senator Larry Craig playing head tag in the Men's Room at the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport (dramatization). Senator Craig claims he was on the lookout for abortionists and "swarthy middle-east types", and was misunderstood by the buff undercover officer in the next stall.

I just don't get it with these guys; with Mark Foley and Ted Haggard, this is the third Christian Conservative 'leader' caught smokin' pole in recent months. Is it as simple as self-hate? Why reach out from the closet to strangle yourself... or those like you? How many of our politicians and appointed public officials lead these secret, sordid lives, and is the percentage higher than that of Catholic priests?

Inquiring minds want to know, since we might not want to be represented by someone who plays skin-flute with total strangers in airport restroom stalls. For instance, do you think any of his constituents up in Idaho care to admit Craig shook their hand or kissed their baby?

Spiritual advisors for shamed evangelical minister Ted Haggard have declared that the good reverend is now "100% heterosexual". He hasn't had sex with men while high on crystal meth for about six whole weeks now, and they've been watching him like a chicken hawk.

I was wondering how Haggard was going to make his comeback. Now we all can rest easy, since Jesus obviously cured him. He'll be back at his post in only a matter of days, fighting the good fight against same-sex marriage and general immorality.

Wish I could be there for his first sermon. When he drops to his knees, for the first time in some three years there won't be a buff naked body-builder standing in front of him.

You have to admire a guy like that, after all he's been through.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

The above was going to be the title of my article today... well, until George Bush in a rare moment of lucidity saved me the trouble of asking. I decided to leave it as is since the head still lives, though thankfully elsewhere.

I believed Secretary Rumsfeld to be one of the scariest individuals on the planet for the past six years. With the vicious, petty Dick Cheney, Donny was half of the two-headed Siamese beast driving the U.S. government and its global policy toward an un-American form of lawlessness and a cavalier disregard for human rights and human life.

I can blame George Bush for falling under their spell for so long and so hard, but he should never have been President, anyway.

(I'm not talking about the Florida election fiasco. The electorate got what they deserved by giving such a lightweight even a chance to win.)

To anyone who did their homework on the neo-con world-view, including papers and articles authored by Cheney, Rumsfeld and their Byzantine pet wonk, Paul Wolfowitz, "Shock and Awe", Guantanamo, Abu Graib, covert spying, waterboarding and the rampant corruption of the war effort are all the natural fallout of a selfish, perverted philosophy.

There's a Cold War cultural sense in their plans and strategies, clandestine modes of operation, blatant power-mongering and disregard for the public will. It has been a policy out of step, out of date and way out of line, since day one.

Why it took almost six years to begin to figure it out is beyond me. I hate politics, but unfortunately I live in the world. These guys made that world a much less safer place for me and mine--and yours, too.

Bring me their figurative heads, one and all.