Before the earth reaches the apogee of the next Summer solstice, misogynist parasitic celebrity blogger Perez Hilton will be flattened three times by enraged gangsta rappers, kicked in the groin by an insanly mad has-been TV actress and bitten on the ankle by a disgraced beauty queen's over-stimulated lap dog.
The ensuing legal actions will earn the cretin a lifetime of fabulous affluence and, hopefully, an irreversible form of suicidal depression.
Perez Hilton appears in a Los Angeles court wearing his favorite cotton candy hairpiece and trademark black eye.
Barely a hundred-years after the groundbreaking work of Crick and Watson, the One-World Government will require DNA samples from all citizens and newborns, legislating long prison terms and heavy fines for those seeking avoidance.
The justification for this ultimate invasion of privacy: under a government administered universal healthcare system, genetic data must be studied to prevent disease and help control epidemic outbreaks. In a textbook scenario of misguided intentions, gross mismanagement and the worst of unintended consequences, things begin to turn awry when unscrupulous government employees and mercenary hackers gain access. Millions, possibly all, of the records are compromised.
Angry protesters storm and burn down the One-World Healthcare Agency in Buenos Aires during the DNA Rebellion of 2091.
Clever and unscrupulous entrepreneurs quickly capitalize on the windfall, establishing, at first, gene-splicing clinics within the few remaining territories outside One-World. Parental DNA is altered for favorable traits, such as intelligence, coloring, or certain physical abilities. Some turn to forms of advantageous breeding, seeking child prodigies with special skills they can market at maturity. They mine the database for gene patterns from those successful in various fields of endeavor, and mix and match DNA fragments from multiple sources.
As the first generation of 'batter babies' begins to mature, it becomes obvious that a small but significant percentage of the population has, almost by definition, superhuman capabilities. Every important athletic record is superseded, and the fields of entertainment and business are taken under the control of those who come to be called in contemporary vernacular, 'The Chosen'. As more of the planet's assets and privilege acquire to The Chosen, the public becomes increasingly resentful and turns to take it out on the government in the form of the DNA Rebellion of 2091, an armed attempt to destroy the DNA master database, creating a crisis that eventually topples the One-World government.
Thousands of the generation called The Chosen are slaughtered, many of them innocent natural-borns. Human gene tampering becomes the sole remaining capital offense under the New One-World regime.
Within a generation, an angry majority of the population of the Industrialized World will take to wearing costumes while out and about on their public business, an open revolt against the pandemic of security cameras and video monitoring in both public and private spaces.
Enjoying unprecedented affluence and an increasing array of evolving social freedoms, fashion and flair become the hallmark of the age, making any public gathering look like a cross between a Rio Carnival and the bar at the Tatooine spaceport on a universal bad hair day.
In 2035, the most popular holographic telecast on the FOX network is the blockbuster 'America's Hottest Videos', featuring viral clips taken from security cams of masked citizens having sex in public.
Catholic priests, circus clowns, professional wrestlers and other public servants will eventually refuse to wear a mask or costume, claiming the practice denigrates their trade.
Kansas Delegates pledged to Bristol Palin hold caucus at the 2040 Republican National Convention in Nome, Alaska.
It will begin with WALMART, by the middle of the next decade.
In an attempt to capaitalize on a growing "shopping correctness" consumer trend, the retail giant will open it's first "Family Values" Superstore in Pantego, Texas.
Catering to the Christian and conservative right, all goods are guaranteed free of satanic symbols and any mention of sexuality or restroom duties. In addition, the top management of all product suppliers are pre-screened to assure there's no hidden agenda of promoting the homosexual lifestyle or affiliation with known anti-Christian organizations, such as the Democratic Party, CNN, or the Screen Actor's Guild, and are made to swear to it on the Bible.
Greeters at the new WALMART FAMILY VALUES Superstores will draw heavily from the growing ranks of disgraced former ministers.
Bloomingdale's will follow suit within six months, targeting the large New York area Jewish demographic with its first "Blooming Exodus" just outside White Plains, closed on the sabbath and Jewish high-holidays and carrying only certified kosher goods and Chinese takeout.
A number of large firms jump on the bandwagon, offering "specialty shopping" outlets where people can mix with their own kind while searching for bargains.
The trend will come to an abrupt end when studies prove that despite all the hoo-ha, people tend to shop wherever they get the lowest price.
In the generation of our children's children, the genetic technology of cloning will become less feared after the techniques are perfected during successful attempts to re-populate a number of endangered species.
California will be the first state to allow human cloning, Los Angeles the center of the industry. The most desirable human genetic stock will come priced at a premium, with celebrities, athletes, certain scientists and even lawyers putting their genetic material up for sale, sometimes for as much as 6 or 7 figures.
After a number of attempts to pirate high-value DNA by "the generazzi"--stalkers trying get close enough to cut a few hairs or lop of a piece of skin--celebrity targets take to protecting themselves by appearing in public only while wearing spacesuits.
In the future, no one need be born ugly, though the definition of 'ugly' tends to drift.
A thousand years after Hastings, the New England Celtics will become the first franchise to win the NBA title with an all-clone starting team, consisting of two Michael Jordans, a Magic Johnson, a La Bron James and a Wilt Chamberlain.
October is neigh upon us and The Oracle at Blog from the Future Past has been tuning in to the portion of his brain pierced by that now-legendary lightening bolt years ago while standing on the summit of Mt. Arrafat.
His predictions for the up-coming month will astound you:
An MIT student will do something stupid.
A prominent government official will be indicted or censured for bribery charges or some sort of sexual shenanigans.
Two babies will be found in dumpsters. One will be alive, one not.
Three young girls will go missing. One will be found, two won't.
Four campaign aides for major candidates will be fired for being either fugitives or pedophiles.
Five men will kill their wives. Three of them will try to pin the blame on someone of another race.
Six men will kill women who scorned them. Four of these will be by murder/suicide.
A dozen Pit Bulls will maul children.
Some of them won't make it, others will.
The Homeland Security Department and/or its FEMA subsidiary will screw up bigtime.
The Pope will say something lame.
At a recent press conference, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff immitates the mating call of an Eastern Wood Duck while President George W. Bush checks upskirt on one of the hot FEMA babes.