The Oracle Predicts

Before the earth reaches the apogee of the next Summer solstice, misogynist parasitic celebrity blogger Perez Hilton will be flattened three times by enraged gangsta rappers, kicked in the groin by an insanly mad has-been TV actress and bitten on the ankle by a disgraced beauty queen's over-stimulated lap dog.

The ensuing legal actions will earn the cretin a lifetime of fabulous affluence and, hopefully, an irreversible form of suicidal depression.

Perez Hilton appears in a Los Angeles court
wearing his favorite cotton candy hairpiece
and trademark black eye.

Barely a hundred-years after the groundbreaking work of Crick and Watson, the One-World Government will require DNA samples from all citizens and newborns, legislating long prison terms and heavy fines for those seeking avoidance.

The justification for this ultimate invasion of privacy: under a government administered universal healthcare system, genetic data must be studied to prevent disease and help control epidemic outbreaks. In a textbook scenario of misguided intentions, gross mismanagement and the worst of unintended consequences, things begin to turn awry when unscrupulous government employees and mercenary hackers gain access. Millions, possibly all, of the records are compromised.

Angry protesters storm and burn down the One-World Healthcare Agency in Buenos Aires during the DNA Rebellion of 2091.

Within a generation, an angry majority of the population of the Industrialized World will take to wearing costumes while out and about on their public business, an open revolt against the pandemic of security cameras and video monitoring in both public and private spaces.

Enjoying unprecedented affluence and an increasing array of evolving social freedoms, fashion and flair become the hallmark of the age, making any public gathering look like a cross between a Rio Carnival and the bar at the Tatooine spaceport on a universal bad hair day.

In 2035, the most popular holographic telecast on the FOX network is the blockbuster 'America's Hottest Videos', featuring viral clips taken from security cams of masked citizens having sex in public.

Catholic priests, circus clowns, professional wrestlers and other public servants will eventually refuse to wear a mask or costume, claiming the practice denigrates their trade.

Kansas Delegates pledged to Bristol Palin hold caucus at the 2040 Republican National Convention in Nome, Alaska.

It will begin with WALMART, by the middle of the next decade.

In an attempt to capaitalize on a growing "shopping correctness" consumer trend, the retail giant will open it's first "Family Values" Superstore in Pantego, Texas.

Catering to the Christian and conservative right, all goods are guaranteed free of satanic symbols and any mention of sexuality or restroom duties. In addition, the top management of all product suppliers are pre-screened to assure there's no hidden agenda of promoting the homosexual lifestyle or affiliation with known anti-Christian organizations, such as the Democratic Party, CNN, or the Screen Actor's Guild, and are made to swear to it on the Bible.

Greeters at the new WALMART FAMILY VALUES Superstores will draw heavily from the growing ranks of disgraced former ministers.

In the generation of our children's children, the genetic technology of cloning will become less feared after the techniques are perfected during successful attempts to re-populate a number of endangered species.

California will be the first state to allow human cloning, Los Angeles the center of the industry. The most desirable human genetic stock will come priced at a premium, with celebrities, athletes, certain scientists and even lawyers putting their genetic material up for sale, sometimes for as much as 6 or 7 figures.

After a number of attempts to pirate high-value DNA by "the generazzi"--stalkers trying get close enough to cut a few hairs or lop of a piece of skin--celebrity targets take to protecting themselves by appearing in public only while wearing spacesuits.

In the future, no one need be born ugly, though the definition of 'ugly' tends to drift.

The Pope will say something lame.

At a recent press conference, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff immitates the mating call of an Eastern Wood Duck while President George W. Bush checks upskirt on one of the hot FEMA babes.