Media Fool

First off, there needed to be pre-conditions. A corporate culture developed during the high-flying 80's and 90's, whereby companies would stack their Board of Directors and management team with greedy synchophant homies of the CEO, who would then award everyone at the corporate Christmas Party enormous 'performance-based' bonuses and stock options.

This created the pressure at the back of the tube, where the small lenders and consumers at the base of the economy reside--their pension plans, their homes, their savings are poised to collapse.

The $70 Billion Bailout is supposed to replace the money from the bottom of the tube that got sucked out of the top by our Wall Street wizards.

Right now they're wondering, plotting, how they can get their mitts on the new bailout bonanza, as well.

The long-running late night show has long been window a into the trendy Hollywood lifestyle, but as far as we know here at Blog from The Future Past, this is the first time the west coast glitteratti have taken the lead from the trailer-trash sub-culture, perhaps an indicator of the poor US economy.

Pop culture psycho-analista Gabriella Stompanazi of Heiny Magazine explained the new fad to Media Fool; "You can make enough crystal-meth to put a hurtin' buzz on a half of a Beverly Hills disco with only about $30 worth of over-the-counter cough medicine and a few inexpensive kitchen utensils you can pick up at any Target," she explained.

News outlets must think it's good business: gets more click-throughs, sells more newspapers or keeps little fingers off the remote. When Emily Sanders first went missing, the headlines read, 'High School Student Missing'. Shortly after, news came out that she was a semi-regular on some bush-league internet porn site. All of of sudden, she becomes a MISSING PORN STAR.

Linda Lovelace, she ain't... Emily wasn't famous, even to porn experts, and believe me, I checked. They might as well have used the headline, 'LITTLE SLUT GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES', for God's sake.

Here's the rub... police say Emily's budding porn career had nothing to do with her murder. They have a suspect, someone she left a bar with on the night she died. CNN even reported that, according to the local Chief of Police, all the porn talk was causing false leads and a media crush and was hampering the investigation.

It was nice to include that in their story, however, it didn't make them change their headlines.

Pop culture psycho-analista Gabriel Stompanazi of Heiny Magazine claims that rehabilitation is inevitably doomed to fail in the case of young celebrities, since they were never habilitated in the first place. They have no normalcy to fall back on.

There could be something to that.

Britney Spears was a star in her teens, but unfortunately has always been too trailer-trashy to love. And no one seemed to mind when spoiled brat Paris Hilton got sent to the can. There was even a public outcry from those salivating at the thought of Paris getting held down and butched while in the slammer.

Lindsay Lohan, however, is different.

We first fell in love with her precocious pubescence in the remake of Parent Trap, later on after she got boobs starring with everyone's favorite VW, the loveable Herbie, for God's sake.

She's like our little sister who gets drunk and does the entire basketball team in the Boy's locker-room, or causes a fatal accident after huffing nitrous from a can of Redi-Whip while driving.