A Papal Blessing

A brief, though uplifting news item from Reuters International. Pope says unbridled capitalism harmful ROME - Pope Benedict yesterday warned that unbridled capitalism is widening the gap between the world's rich and poor and threatening the future of the planet. Addressing the faithful at his weekly Angelus blessing at his summer residence outside Rome, Benedict said capitalism and a fair distribution of wealth were not contradictory, but the search for profit must not be allowed to go unchecked. (Reuters) During public appearances, often for political reasons, World leaders rarely say much that means anything (when in doubt, bless the crowd). But recently you have to admire His Holiness not only for talking the talk, but also how well he has taken to waddling the walk. The Roman Catholic Church has graciously injected over $1 Billion back into the economy with just seven of the early settlement payouts to US abuse victims. There's a lot more to come, worldwide, and there's a lot of places like Thailand that haven't even checked in yet. Now, that's putting your moola where your feet normally hang out.

Pope Benedict VI, shown here sharing a joke with reporters after a private audience with lanky supermodel Heidi Klum. The Holy Father is affectionately called 'Eggs' by the Vatican household staff due to an enormous set of balls and a well-deserved reputation as a sick sort of practical joker.

It was a tremendous gesture by the Church and I hate to look a gift pontiff in the mouth. His Holiness is a man of immense genius, like up there with John Lennon and Hunter Thomson, but understandably naive afte 80-odd years of Rosaries in Latin. Unworldy to an infallible fault, he probably never realized that this particular method of wealth redistribution tends to concentrate monetary assets into relatively few mitts... most of them attached to lawyers, therapists and heroin dealers.

Thank goodness the Church's wealth is estimated somewhere north of $150 Billion and His Holiness has so much more he can work with. If he can sell off little jewelry or a few parcels of land in France or other places where Catholicism is in rapid decline--say a neat 10% liquidation sale--they can set up a food stamp program for ~150,000,000 of the world's poorest families with a $1,000 initial credit each.

I'll establish and run the Boston program for them, if they want me too (Our Motto: 'Nobody cheats; everybody eats'). The Boston Archdiocese is still worth upwards of $550 million, even after paying out more than $100 million to victims of abuse. If they'd start us off with, say, a cool $50 million seed money, we can feed and educate 100,000 of Boston poorest for well past 10 years on the principle alone.

Think it over, Holy Father... big guy. A painting or two, a handful of jeweled tiaras or a couple of overgrown, abandoned monastaries... maybe it's time to cash in a few chips, tip the dealer and move on to another table.