Blog from the Future Past

In the future, when all public issues become a matter of economics, convicted criminals will be executed in televised events. Proceeds from advertising will accrue to victims and their survivors and the public will be allowed to vote on the method of execution.

Stoning will become the most popular death alternative due to the audience participation factor.

Thus Speaketh The Oracle

Guest Columnist Annie Whiplash

This week the liberal media cabal--especially Cable Nonsense News--gloated over the fact announced Democratic presidential hopefuls managed to raise 50% more in election contributions than their GOP counterparts. We've been through this movie before. The special interests that drive GOP funding come mostly from business interests that thrive off our classic energy or environmental policies, or make a windfall off the assets on public land. A few people make a huge profit or siphon off a few bucks, but it's good for the economy and helps support the war. This is a tried and true American way of doing things, considering the ugly alternative.

Sure, the liberal special interests are priming the pump; they've caught the scent of a big wad of money about to splash into the public trough. Legions of air-headed do-gooders are lining up to squander your hard-earned tax dollars on iffy, pie-in-the-sky priorities such as public health, education, core scientific research, the environment and improving international relations, as if we needed it.

What good is being well-educated, healthy and secure if you don't have a job? Who will pay for all that, with a war going on that costs $176-million a month?

The price tag on the war will look paltry compared to what the liberals intend to spend on the millions of poor, uneducated, sick people in our country who don't deserve it.

It's time for business special interests to step up to the plate as they always have to prevent the disaster of a Democratic feeding frenzy. The GOP needs a candidate who is obviously easily influenced and has a stellar track record of repaying those who supported him with their wallets. Giulliani? Too Italian, with a reputation for not keeping his fly closed. McCain? A liberal sympathizer and butt ugly. Mitt Romney? As straight as the broomstick stuck up his bucket.. just too bad he's as dull as a bag of dirty gym shorts.

The GOP desperately needs Dick Cheney, the only true conservative voice guaranteed to be both in the corporate bag AND willing to win the war despite the cost in lives, innocent or not. Once our vice president announces, and believe me, he will hear the call, don't worry... the money will come rolling in.

( Annie Whiplash is a regular contributor at Blog from the Future Past )

A friend from the Internet Writing Workshop, Ruth Douillette, has 'tagged' me. Not quite sure what this means, except that she seems quite serious and not one to be ignored.

The first part of Blog Tag is to list eight things about yourself people might find interesting. Here's mine:

1. People, especially women, are unlikely to find me interesting. This is based on an life-long imperical study.
2. I like to cook, and I can make all those dishes served at my new theme restaurant, Testosterones. I prepare the family eats, maybe 80 percent of the time. The girls only complain about the food around half the time, a much better record than most of the restaurants we frequent.
3. I'm a high school dropout, an ex-Marine, and twice an ex-CEO of high-tech companies. Unless I can wrestle the freakin' writin' block primate off my neck, I'll soon be an ex-writer, too.
4. My wife, May, is Japanese. I didn't plan it that way, I just happened to be in Japan when she showed up. I looked across a crowded room and there she was; dressed in yellow, like a canary in a gold mine. It made me feel Junge.

   People often mistake Japanese women as deferrential and demure, but those people never slept with one.

5. That makes our sole offsrping, an adolescent female, a person of 'mixed-race'... assuming you ascribe to out-dated, bonehead racial theories. Thing is, she doesn't know why it matters and I'm not going to be the one to tell her.
6. I sing and play guitar in a garage band. Or maybe a used-to-be garage band. The lead guitarist and the keyboard player, friends from well before I knew either, had some sort of mysterious falling out. It's so bad, there could be a woman involved, but I hope not.
7. Lately I'm been wondering why I love jabbing at people, force them to think in odd ways, I guess. Case in point: last week I went to the first of a twelve-part lecture series, put on by the latest incarnation of the Concord School of Philosophy and housed at the holy main temple of the sect: Bronson Aloctt's Hillside Chapel on the grounds of the Orchard House, in Concord, Mass.

   Once things got going, I felt like a Jew coming out of the rain into a Catholic church during mass. I was one of the few 'outsiders', since most everyone seemed to know each other. (an example: more than half the crowd sang along with the folksinger that opened the proceedings.) The three main speakers quoted, in turn, Throeau, Bronson Alcott, and Ralph Where's-Waldo Emerson at great length. The theme was suppose to be, "How can Religion and Science Reconcile, and what the hey does transcendentalism have to do with it?

   Not much, apparently. One of the speakers tried to touch on the subject, though awkwardly, since no one on earth can describe transcendentalism without first dropping acid.

   At the end of the formal 'proceedings' (you could call them 'rites' if you were insistent on being correct, though slightly unkind), a sort of conversation was opened up between the speakers and the audience. At the second or third question in, an older gentleman (few were under 50, a glaring absence of youth) asked, "What does transcendentalism offer in the way of moral guidance for issues such as human cloning?"

   The question rocketed somewhere far beyond the orbit of the transendentalist academics in the room and they fell pin-drop silent. The pause got overly pregnant, since no one wanted to be the first one on their block to moralize on human cloning. Ever aware of prime opportunities to flip people out, I shouted out, "What's the matter with human cloning?"

   I thought it was funny. No one else did, but I didn't care. Why do I do that?

   [High Kookookajoo I wrote for Emerson's 200th birthday:

   

   Ralph Waldo's 200th

   self, soul eternal

   pray or pray not, all the same

   emerson whispers
   
   

8. I was raised Catholic, but recently coverted to Militant Agnosticism via a private ceremony in Roswell, New Mexico. However, once a Catholic, always one. If someone raised a hand near my mouth, I might close my eyes, open my kisser and stick my tongue out.

   Ever think about that... the juxtaposition between the priests and the kids? You'd think they did it that way on purpose.

I wonder how many hits I'll get. I noticed it plays back rather choppy, likely because of the file size.

I'll keep working on it.