Blog from the Future Past

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Which STH (Sanctimonious Talking Head) will be the first to intimate that god punished the people of the Big Easy for their wayward ways?

1. Rev. Pat Robertson
2. Rev. Jerry Falwell
3. Rep. Rick Santorum
4. Osama Bin Laden
5. All of the above, in a joint announcement

Vote Smart. Vote Often.

Everyone knows god promised to punish the wicked with fire the next time around, not water. Duh !

Freakin' morons. No wonder so many people open fire in church.

I stopped writing my blog for a while. I was becoming concerned by the level of cynicism, and my definite lack of patience in regard to the daft. Finally, I decided I have to give in to it. With Hunter Thompson's demise, there's a great void in the forceps.

About the lack of patience thing... I guess I'm just used to getting my way, since all I have to deal with all day is a retarded terrier who does anything for food.

I went to court the other day, for a hearing on a traffic ticket. I arrived at the courthouse with a large plastic mug of coffee in my hand, since it was now 9 AM and I only had one pot before I left home. A sign on the door said, "NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED".

I was early, so I stood outside snorting caffeine until a lawyerly-looking guy approached. "Hi," I said, "Is it true I can't bring this coffee in there?" The guy, about my age, replied, "It's okay. I do it all the time." I followed him in and prepared for the metal detector, emptying my pockets of cigarettes, lighter, sunglasses, reading glasses, car keys, wallet, about two-bucks in change from three different countries, three guitars picks, a pocketknife and a half-dozen lockwashers. Meanwhile, the security guard takes my coffee mug (the big one with the wolf head), and places it on the table past the metal detector. I passed through no-problemo and proceeded to retrieve my cigarettes, lighter, sunglasses, reading glasses, car keys, wallet, about two-bucks in change from three different countries, three guitars picks, a pocketknife and a half-dozen lockwashers. With my pockets restored, I reached for my coffee mug.

"Sorry, sir," said the guard, "No food or drinks allowed. Only court officials, police officers or attorneys. If you want to drink that, you'll have to go outside."

I just snapped, I admit. I tore off the guys foot, stuffed it in his mouth and then kicked him in the teeth until he began to spit toes. "Attorneys?" I screamed, "Attorneys can drink coffee but I can't? Don't you know this is friggin' America, land of the free and a beacon of democracy to the world. And you're telling me I can't drink coffee while I'm lying about my traffic violation, meanwhile any lawyer can lie all they want while holding a Starbuck's latte grande?"

Or something like that.

Loss of patience #2: the hearing. I made a good argument. The clerk-magistrate understood none of it. She said, "You might have a good argument. You should pay the $20 for an appeal. I find you guilty for failure to stop for a red-light."

I said, after I ripped off her foundation garments and strangled her with them, "Why did we do all this? Why doesn't the form say, 'pay an extra $20 to get a real hearing'?"

Sheesh... no wonder so many people open fire in court.