Shopping Religiously

BILL LAMBERT

Paid Advertisements

Monday, November 26. 2007

It will begin with WALMART, by the middle of the next decade.

In an attempt to capaitalize on a growing "shopping correctness" consumer trend, the retail giant will open it's first "Family Values" Superstore in Pantego, Texas.

Catering to the Christian and conservative right, all goods are guaranteed free of satanic symbols and any mention of sexuality or restroom duties. In addition, the top management of all product suppliers are pre-screened to assure there's no hidden agenda of promoting the homosexual lifestyle or affiliation with known anti-Christian organizations, such as the Democratic Party, CNN, or the Screen Actor's Guild, and are made to swear to it on the Bible.

Greeters at the new WALMART FAMILY VALUES Superstores will draw heavily from the growing ranks of disgraced former ministers.

Bloomingdale's will follow suit within six months, targeting the large New York area Jewish demographic with its first "Blooming Exodus" just outside White Plains, closed on the sabbath and Jewish high-holidays and carrying only certified kosher goods and Chinese takeout.

A number of large firms jump on the bandwagon, offering "specialty shopping" outlets where people can mix with their own kind while searching for bargains.

The trend will come to an abrupt end when studies prove that despite all the hoo-ha, people tend to shop wherever they get the lowest price.

Of these things to come, the Oracle is certain

Posted by Bill Lambert in The Oracle Predicts at 11:07 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)

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